FRIDAY
Last Friday,22/2, i went outside school after school ended, only to come back b4 chinese remedial starts.
So i went back, Hui Guang and Chee Wei was there and they took my stuff, so i took my 'secret weapon' the spray spray them, ran around. After that Chinese remedial and after that Judith they'all ran away from me :(
FRIDAY NIGHT
So it was normal until at night when i was home, i realised that my wallet wasnt with me. After that i went to turn my house upside down to search, but to no avail.
So i figured out i may be taken when i was running around
,so i called the person closest to my seat-Judith.
I called her, she answered and i told her my wallet is missing.
She said,'huh.. where you put'
Me: I dunno you saw me taking it up to the classroom right?
Her:Yah i think so
Me: then did you see where i put it? the table maybe?
Her: I dunno leh ...aiyo, where you put
Me: i dunno lah, i lost my wallet and ez-;ink card before leh... How ah? My parents scolding me leh *mum in background screaming at me*
Her: i dunno leh maybe monday you go and find?
Me: dunnid monday ah! I tml got Choir tml go find liao ah!
Her: oh, ok lor you tml go find lor.
It went about sth like this b4 i called a sleepy Vivian to come early for Choir the next day to help me find
WHICH SHE DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE
SATURDAY
on Sat i told Miss Goh tht i lost my wallet in class and if i could open the door and search, she said to blame it on my carelessness.
she was so strict on me she was like ,'if you want to blame, blame it on your carelessness. Why are you so careless? lah!'
So i went home from Choir tearing abit, coz i have no ez-link card and i had to go somewhere.
So i bought a standard Ticket to my cousin's 1st Birthday Party. Troublesome.
Parents scolded me and stressed me to find it on Sunday and Saturday, giving me lots of stress coz i lost a bundle of things before and i made a promise never to lose them again. I cried a few times coz mum is superdisappointed.
MONDAY
On Monday i came to school with a mission to find the Wallet. met Judith at the traffic light area, told her something like this:
'Saturday cannot find my wallet sia so today must go classroom and find. First thing i do is sprint to classroom and find my wallet.'
She agreed but kept quiet so went to school, morning assembly told Jolene Lim about finding wallet and we both walked quickly to class to search for the wallet. Under my table, under the books: NONE.
I feel so demoralised that i have to return home empty-handed [on Sat i returned home futile once.]
So after the first bio lesson, i went to Geog feeling super down. After Geog [i came from 4H] i returned to class and coz there is SPA, i pulled my SPA file out from under the table and guess what i saw?
MY WALLET SLIPPED OUT!!! b4 Geog is was totally deprived of any wallets and suddenly there is a wallet.
It means: somebody took it, not due to my carelessness, and that person coz me to go through scoldings from parents and weekend of stress.
I was so keen on finding it that when i found it, i cried. If it was on the floor obviously due to carelessness or sth, i would not have felt irritated by the unknown person, but instead relieved coz i was careless. But i cried immediately coz i was irritated, annoyed and angry with the person who took my wallet, kept for 3 days, and return only today.
Sofia who didnt know my wallet is missing was shocked at me suddenly crying, Hui Lin came to console but Judith kept quiet.
Vanessa was like,'Eh you found your wallet still cry?!?!'
I cried all the way to Lab and a few people know and Judith and Hui Lin was there when i said,'I want to find the person can kick the ass/kill him...' i was thinking of ways to harm the other person. All along i presumed was a cheeky boy.So then after science lab, recess Sofia took her marker to write on the board, big fat letters that covers the whole board:
WHO TOOK KELLY'S WALLET ON FRIDAY?
and everyone who came back saw but still no one admitted.
So chinese, and i was joking with Judith:
'Maybe the words on the boards are too threatening, the person who took the wallet will not dare to reveal himself.
Maybe should change to reward for anyone who took Kelly's wallet.'
Judith even contributed to that silly thought, saying,'So if i took your wallet how much would you pay me?'
I even replied,'$10'
After Chinese Sofia came back, she erased the words on the board, and i shouted to her,'Hey don't erase! The culprit hasnt show up yet!!'
She came and sat down, saying she know who the culprit is.
I asked her,'How you know?!? TELL ME!!'
Sofia: i asked Charmaine [who was sitting on my seat during electives]
So i was so anxious that i keep asking Sofia who the culprit is.
She didnt say, for some reason and was looking in the direction of Judith...
Hui Lin suddenly said,'Kelly, the we *pointing to Judith and Herself* took your wallet lah'
i was sooooo shocked that i 'HUH!?!?!?!' quite loudly. Very shocked that i froze.
Hui Lin continued to explain that they took my wallet while i dunno [probably running], and at that time Judith was sitting at Sarath's table so she placed my wallet under Sarath's table, and since i said at the end of Chinese Remedial they were running away, they forgot to take my wallet back. SO that's all.
Me to Jud: THEN WHY ON FRIDAY I CALL YOU YOU DUN WANNA TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!!
there is no reason she should rebutt, so she said,'i dunno...' the whole time she was quiet.
And so i cried again coz i thought the whole day i was telling them about catching the culprit, and how this how that relating to the wallet, and they kept quiet. I keep thinking that i called Judith FIRST HAND when i knew my wallet is missing, and she didnt want to tell me!! What is there to lose ? Assuring me that the wallet is not stolen is better at leaving me hanging and worrying about my wallet!!
Cry coz angry. Easy enough. I told some ppl that it was the both of them and everyone also agreed with me they never expected it was them coz they saw how Judith and Hui Lin acted like under normal circumstance, like they were never the culprit. Yu Yang also said,'When you found the wallet i saw how they acted shocked as well.'
All the while i was talking to them they knew but i dun know!!
At night, Hui Lin called me first to apologize, but i asked her why take my wallet
Her: I dunno lah...
Me: then why act the whole day, why not just tell the truth?
Her: coz we see you like very stress so we dun wanna tell. Oh yah you called Judith on Friday right?
Me: YAH! [surprised that how she know]
Her: She called me to say that you called her about the wallet, then i suggested telling the truth but Judith say you going to find on Friday so she said,'aiyah she will find it during choir one lah'
Me: But during choir everything was locked!
Her: She dunno what.
Me: haiyo...
Her: tell your parents is our fault lah ok, is not your carelessness...
.
.
.
After that Judith called to apologize
Her: eh kelly sorry ah..
Me: yah..Why your never tell me the truth. Friday i called you..
Her: [i dunno what she said but she was left practically speechless] [so she changed subject]
Her: Do your homework already?
the topic then turned to Oscars.
Although i still dun get y must lie to me and take my wallet, i wasnt angry with them liao lah. If i say something like,;I'm gonna be angry forever!!!'
Forever=up to 2 days.
I cannot be angry more than that.
Imagine Family Feuds to last more than 10 yrs...
p.s. check out the green coloured sentences above to agree with what i said about believing Judith and Hui Lin is NOT the culprits.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, June 8, 2007
A Netballer's Journey
SEC ONE
I joined Volleyball first, but fainted during one of the trainings and found out how packed the trainings are, then decided to quit. Together with Priscilla, we went to join netball, hoping for a lighter training.
Sure enough, we were told that we will not be competing and that's good news for us. Hence the training started, and there was more stupid things than i thought. We had to do stupid stuns like jumping here, doing this there... But still, once a week was better than like, 6 times a week?
We were trained by seniors, having no coach and all that. But actually it was fine with me, only the running part, and the part where we didn't get to play the actual game and know the rules yet.
Soon, was our first carnival. I WAS DELIGHTED when my name was in the main team. [Diane was very sad she didn't make it] This proves that when i was in sec one, i was very commited and happy to be in netball. The Carnival's first game i let Julianne[the other GS,Goal Shooter] to play the first half, and when asked who wants to be the scorer, i immediately volunteered, even though i was supposed to play in the second half. However, Julianne played the whole match, they said they couldn't find me. [I'm the scorer? Remember?] Julianne was actually very nervous, i could tell when i watched her. She took the ball and immediately throw to the hoop, NEVER AIMED, just throw as if the pole was a person. If i was from another school, she was probably a joke already. Strangely, she didn't take in any scoldings.
We went off to the other five venues of our games, and i played most of them. I was kinda ok, threw in more goals than Julianne, She still did the not aiming thing sometimes, but never got scolded anyhow, But rather, it was ME, who got scolded. I did not understand but ok, that pulled my confidence abit since i thought i was doing better than Julianne.
After the Carnival, I think Cher Yan was not teaching us anymore, And two Sec3 taught us instead. They were kinda fair, but was immediately pulled over to the JA's side, [JA aka Julianne, Jovy, Amanda] They were immediately 'over-friendly' and when there was another Carnival, towards the end of the year, the JA got it, with Sam calling Julianne as 'childish' and joking and all that.
In sec one we also choose Nadia as our captain,Jovy as Vice. I was ok with them
INCIDENT THAT CHANGE MY VIEW OF DIANE: Once a ball hit me, so i ran to get it, and threw it back to a senior, whom i later know as Mel Feng. I commented to Diane 'Never say thank you one, so rude' [coz the ball hit me mah]. But it was a RANDOM COMMENT.
I DIDNT EVEN MEAN IT. But on one training, i never go coz i was sick, and i received news from Diane that she was scolded by Ms Chan, due to MSN-ing a senior [gli] that she hates Mel Feng and scolded bad things abt Mel Feng in front of Gli. Turns out Gli printed the convo and showed Ms Chan, who scolded Diane.
Diane somehow dragged others into this, saying,'Jovy and co. also hate, Ashiqin and co. also hate' AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, she pulled me into it, saying the incident i had on top, and made me the scapegoat. Diane said she cried, so i didn;t blame her for pulling me into it at first. But thinking about it, it was considered back-stabbing. Luckily i wasn't present that day. Ever since i got back to training, All the seniors were imploring,'Who's Kelly? Who's Kelly huh?' And every time i raised up my hand, and they gave me 'the look' What did I do to deserve this? Ever since, Seniors have been giving me a hard time and not treating me as their Junior.
Jovy, Amanda and Julianne were in good books with Both, Ms chan and the seniors by the end of Sec one, as usual, but i dont really hate them for it if it doesn't affects me . HOWEVER, as the seniors were told to train us, What i received was bad, VERY BAD COMMENTS whenever i played or whatnot. ON THE OTHER HAND, Jovy, Julianne, Amanda was the Model [ala model answers in math,] Players. I wonder why when people like Tiara and Ashiqin are much better.
Soon, everyone knew Amanda, Jovy and Julianne's names WILL SURELY be in the main-team list. There was a holiday netball camp, and i went with Diane[why was i still good friends with her?]. And we had fun in the afternoon with the games, and me and Diane helped out in the BBQ[while the rest ate and some complained their chicken wings were 'undercooked' hah]
It was until the night. That i felt even more outcasted. I was in the same room with JA, Priscilla, Sharlene that gang [who didn't come for trainings at all, if i'm not wrong] And they were talking and dancing for a while until..the topic about bitching about people in school came up. They were soon talking about this secretive person whom i didn't know, Then suddenly Priscilla [the chinese one] said,'i know her, but i cannot tell you leh, Sarah and KELLY is in this room'. Then, Rebecca[who started this person's topic in the first place], the JA [i remembered vividly Jovy] and the Priscilla started shooing me and Sarah out. Like totally KICKED US OUT!
Talk about rude-ness. so i decided to change room, to where Diane , Tiara they'll is. And whenever i wanted to go in and take my bag, a few people will go,'wait! Haven't finished talking yet! GO OUT!' [remembered the rudest was Jovy. Waving hands and all that] and waited and waited, wanting to take my bag and change rooms. So i waited for 20 min and went in, and they STILL haven't finished talking and even shunned my more heavily.
Last try, they have already been in there for 30 long min!! Whoever they are bitching abt have already died by then. But when i went in [now asking Diane for help] the last time, Priscilla was fed up and stood up and said,'eh can wait until we finish anot huh?' and Jovy they'll was like,'WAIT LEH!' and everyone was staring at me and dao-ing me as if i'm not welcomed [oh yah, i'm not] Luckily for Diane, she explained,'She want to take her bag. She's moving rooms!' And THEN i successfully changed rooms. HAH. they are so freaking cold and rude towards me. i don't even know the person. Even if they talked about her i won't even tell anyone, i dunno her!
SEC TWO
There was no holiday trainings, fine with me, until Sec Two i was ok with Netball, didn't skip it or anything. I missed the recruit of Juniors though, i was horribly sick. But Diane pulled me to school. I HADDA tell Ms Chan i had to go home, and sure enough, i vomitted straight away.
Missing the recruit-tion, of course i was not very close to them. Hence during the viewing of Sec 4s seniors playing for east-zone in Dunman Sec, i talked to some of them. They were quite friendly..until..
Jovy came from the gate to her friends, and immediately during half-conversation, the juniors all RAN, or rather, SPRINT towards Jovy, i think talking about her rumoured boyfriend. Only some juniors [who, thank goodness] doesn't care about boot-licking the JA stayed. The others, however, did whatever it takes to become good friends with the JA, leading to an advantage in Netball relationship [knowing JA has the upperhand in netball relationship] and in school, [knowing JA are the most popular] -_-
being the junior last year, i didn't know it's a tradition for juniors to boot-lick popular seniors until now i have juniors and saw it myself. Of course, none of them really went to talk to us [ala the UN-popular ones, in Netball] hence we felt rejected that the whole team was talking about and we were left out. Then came more training, where the sec 4s slowly stepped down, and the sec 3s took over. It was good as hell, knowing all of them hated me to my guts. [i guess from the Mel Feng incident, and that i was the only shooter NOT from the JA.{Julianne, Amanda and Jovy were all shooters}] Hence if the keep critisizing me, it would appear that the other three were good. I kept thinking i was really lousy at that time, and i actually lost a hell lot of confidence.
As usual, carnivals. i was in main team again, and Diane made it this time[to the main team]. We played and was lousy i guess, as the number of lost balls we have, we would times ten and do the number of push-ups. I was heavily blamed for the loss. HEAVILY.
JUNE HOLIDAYS there was training. ONLY I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
TOGETHER with a few more people [outcasts, if i'm not wrong. Not important to the team]
i had heard Ms Chan emphasize strongly that this netball team is a FAMILY. A STRONG BONDED FAMILY.
bullshit to that, there were holiday training, and i wasn't even noticed. i was a main-teamer!
So, when i went back to the first trg of the semester, i trained and a strange thing happened. JA, some of the people ran 5 rounds, and the rest of us [outcasts] ran MORE rounds. i dunno how many, but more. And they had a break, and started to do ballwork, and then WE had a break. It was as if the team was broken into two.
In other words. *sacarstic tone* BONDED FAMILY
Together with some of the confused people, i immediately enquired Ms Chan to explain,'why weren't we informed of holiday training?!' and stuff.
Her reason, not very well explained, was,' Holiday trainings doesn't include CCA points.' and it doesn't really answered my question, if you are a normal person with common sense reading this. I wanted to comment,' but i thought you said we were a family?!' in front of her, but i thought that would be rude. Instead, i felt very very disconnected to the team. MS chan's explaination,'oh, holidays doesn't count' made me feel she was hiding something, and that is
BEING BIASED.
Since then, i hated Netball [or the trainings, rather] i hated the distinct line cut between the 'family'. It's not us who created the line, but rather, Ms Chan [above]. I hated the trainings more as well because of the seniors hating me more, and the juniors not talking to me [or the 'outcasts] More people from my level quit, esp the 'outcasts'. Of course, the popular ones have so much priviledge being popular ones in netball that they cannot possibly quit, can they? [with all the seniors saying good comments about them, making sure they were in main team, and all the juniors boot-licking them, sticking towards them as close as possible.
Then came a coach. It was holidays training by then, and Ms Chan decided to hire a coach. She was Ms Neo, and me and Tiara met her outside the gate, but was not sure whether she was the coach. Later it was confirmed that she was the coach. Ms Neo's presence gave me a sense of relief, as i will not be the 'bad' one now. Names will be put on the 'good' list not because of popularity and social status, but because of skills and ability. FINALLY.
And i was even happier when she remember my name on our first training. I was so happy with a fair and justified netball training system that i even responded her questions openly.
Ms Neo: So how do you think of this kind of training?
Me: [immediately] yah, it's very nice, very fun also.
*everyone in netball looked at me in an ominous stare, for they didn't hear me responding so actively before* [ok i did in the past, the reason they stare at me coz they have no chance to say my bad things, no chance to boss me around anymore.
The arrival of new coach also put some of the bossy Seniors who hates my ass to shut up for once. These seniors, however hate me, cannot possibly encourage the coach to hate me, can they? I shall prove myself good, i told myself. And hence, the coach liked me and Elky the best, always asking us two to perform some of her training methods [like throwing it here and there] to the whole team. It was the happiest peak, actually gaining some recognition that i'm good. And the coach actually noticing i was there [unlike trg by seniors who seemed to only care about the pop ppl]
Nadia however, was somehow squirming her way to be the pop people [at this point in time Diane had already reached the other side, although sometimes cannot understand their way of talking and joining us to talk instead. Nadia had asked me, CONSEQUETIVELY, to wash the bibs, like 3 times in a row! I know she hated me, i had always sensed it when we were playing court games. [once she kick the ball rapidly to behind the pole, the ball was impossible to catch and she went like,' eh! KELLY! GRAB THE BALL' [well, the ball is being kicked and it's not able to catch, and i cannot grab the ball when you were the one who last-touched it] She was blaming it to me! Of course, this is typical, everytime i play court game my team players will normally push the blame to me, BUT NADIA? I always thought she was with Tiara they'll, siding me, but her, acting the same as the pop ppl?! i didn't understand.
But gradually i did, and that was she despised me like the others. So i complained the keep-asking-me-wash-bib thing to I think diane, and the next trg i brought the bibs to her, and at the end she asked, 'Who wants to wash bibs? [typial, no one answered] Kelly? Can you wash bibs?'
i wanted to answer 'again?' but her action made me hate her even more. i was the bully-able one here eh? [it's common sense she didn't wanna ask Jovy, Vera, etc , afraid she would offend them. Hence me, together with Aisha and like Eunice the rest, are the more common names asked to wash bibs and keep ball cages. JA and seniors, as i said being priviliedged, only have to talk, laugh, socialise, and viola! we get to keep and wash and do the dirty things for them.
Diane helped by saying ,'she last week wash already' and Nadia, unsatisfied, ask another person. I didn;t know why she hated me but..she isn't a good captain, and it was visible she wanted to be in the pop people crowd.
Once i sprained my ankle. Didn't cry but shouted 'I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!' LOL I felt foolish. But thanks to Them i rested. however, Diane, i dunno why, she fell and cried very badly. I think she hit her knees. But then she rested throughout the tough training, but when it was time for court games [which we thought was fun], she CHIONG to play. That day i dunno why, Nadia asked me to keep the ball cage [when knowing i sprained my ankle. She was like testing whether i would say 'But hey! I sprained my ankle! Are you insane?!' or not, but i kept quiet and limped to the ball cage until Tiara [thank god for her] said,' cannot lah her leg lidat!' See what i mean abt Nadia? There's a whole 20 more people to keep ball cage at least. Under the table, [i.e. bibs and ball cage] i was still 'bullied'
Soon, my skills and ability was answered, with my name coming in first in the main team when Ms Neo announced. [name first is a good sign. image this:
Ms Chan: who shall we put in the main team? Any obvious ones?
Ms Neo: YEA YES! KELLY! [writes] ]
And the second was obviously Elky, we were like 'the dynamic duo' in Ms Neo's eyes. But training changed when my friends weren't in the main team. They weren't always present in trainings, but they were good. But still, they were in recreational. now i was alone. [trouble finding partner and all that] Training started, and it was obviously tougher. I could take it, my friends were still there, But i was greatly disappointed when they decided to go home [Ms Neo said recreational team can go home whenever they like]
i felt, alone, lonely. I had nobody to go home with me [i.e. walk] and i really wanted to quit. And join my friends. I actually don't belong here. here is all the JA pop seniors and all that. But then..i only had Aisha with me [Nadia doesn't count now]. Yes, i tried socialising. Talked to Elky that group and getting quite close. Ms Neo was paying more attention to me. There were a few bossy seniors though, like Zer, Char Zeng and Vera, the three distinct ones. They were like all against me, We were passing balls as a team when i hit Char Zeng's stomach and she dropped the ball [height difference, said sorry] Then when Ms Neo told her to 'grab the ball' She complained,' Kelly lah! hit my stomach!' i had already apologised, but she was so unhappy that she was scolded by Ms Neo [the bossy people always thought they were the best, won't get scolded at all] that she went on moaning about her stomach and it's my fault for like half an hour, determined to pull me down.
Amanda teo had, by now, joined and being part of the JA, obviously was happily socialising. Court games was always bad. I would take turns with Gli and become GS, and she proved to be a lousier shooter than me. She shot and shot and cannot go in, and coach asked her to shoot and shoot again until it went in, and then i was subsituded. Normally my shots would go in, but when i didnt and Ms Neo asked me to shoot again, i normally go in within 3 shots. [Gli was like 10 oso cannot] I said 'Jia You' to gli together with a few people, but none said to me[are they so sure of bringing me down?]
I was ok with shooting, but it was the intercepting part that i sucked in. When everyone had break, to my horror, Ms Neo trained me individually! She took me over and took a few feelers[aka throwing people] and Elky as my defender, and ask me to get hold of the ball past Elky [Elky was strong] after a few tries i did it, but it was not enough for Ms Neo. She asked me to intercept 10 times. I did ten times, but she was not happy, and told me,'If you cannot catch balls, kelly, then don't come my training!' Poor Tiara was picking and picking the balls i dropped [thanks].So i went to break while the others went to train. Ironically this is another line drawn between me and the rest, The rest was normal, but i was given extra pressure to do well in Netball. And Tiara told me later that Sherri said i was 'Very Blur'
Surprisingly, Amanda Chong wasn't thought of well in trgs. And people who wasn't scolded in Netball history before [ala Jovy, zer some of the seniors] were scolded badly. Now they felt how i felt. In the last two years. being scolded evey training. It was tough, i know being scolded but i could take it. Unlike them[who wasn't used to being scolded in Netball that one of them even cried {see what i mean not being used to?}] I didn't cry, was used to being scolded.
i dunno why, i can tell the others were already putting their utmost effort to be in good books of the coach. She knew more names, including sec 2s. Carnival was coming soon, she Ms Neo decided to choose 12 people for the carnival.
She read out the names, and at 12 she stopped and said '13, Kelly'. She seemed determined to put me in main team however lousy i was [due to me being blamed whenever the bossy ones have the chance] being the 'extra-number-13', people gave me looks. I stared everywhere, they were whispering and lookin at me. I heard from people ,'why got thirteen one? i thought 12 ony?' They obviously wished i wasn't in main team.
And soon, i was so alone that i confided my feelings to Elky when she blocked me in one of the court games. I told her i hated coming to trainings, alone and all that. I told her i wanted to be in recreational, as the seniors hate me ever when i was extra-number-13. coz Fiona wasn't in. And they thought it was me, occupying the last space and they thought Fiona is more deserved to be in. I was deperate to leave at this point, to not go to the Carnival. Surprisingly, Elky also! She had the same feelings as i did. then i decided to hand in the 'resignation letter' and Elky agreed. We planned to give it after the Carnival, and the Carnival will be the last we ever play.
So the carnival we lost to almost all, expected. In my team, i only played one of the match, [gli received bad scolding by Ms Neo] and during the match, i REALLY REALLY REALLY!! tried my best!! I played full 15min and i tried my best to sprint, intercept, and all that, however, the typical attitude of my team-mates kicked in. 'Kelly! CATCH THE BALL!!'
'KELLY! RUN OUT!' 'Kelly! SPRINT!' BUT I DID! i sprinted until i got no breath. I intercept until the GK's seniors keep scolding her [and she went to a point of shouting at them 'I KNOW!!!'] During the match, Zer scolded me the most, and Shermaine, and the rest whom voices i cannot hear. I made a mistake, i threw in a free throw. GK stepping, and got free throw, and i immediately threw in the ball despite Gli, and coach's comments.
At the end of the match, coach scolded me first, a very long and very hurtful scold, but it didn't hurt me at all. She commented on the mistake and i said 'sorry' and all that, but the scoldin didn't hurt me so much. She went on to scold Zer for running out too much when she was GA instead of WA, which she threw a shot [dao] at me, she always does. The rest of the team were dismissed and all shot glances at me. They all felt i was the faulter. i sat down and talked happily afterwards. I won't let a match pull my feelings down. After about 30 min, we were going to watch out juniors play when i was behind a pillar, and Zer pulled me near her and said ,'What were you doing just now huh? BAI SWEE HUH?!'[ and yadda yadda scolded me] I realised the match was so long ago [30min for goodness sake] , why did she scold me? Besides, she doesn't have a right to scold me, she wasn't the coach.
Soon after, i realised that she was not happy for being scolded for running around too much, and felt it was my fault she got scolded and that she still wanted to maintain being domineering towards me and still wanted to be bossy. But she cannot scold in front of people [esp coach and ms chan] if not people will comment her being too bossy and it's not her job to scold me. Really it's not. I recevied a long scolding from Ms Neo and got over it already. must she scold me privately as well?
Char Zeng and Vera, if i'm not wrong scolded me too.
I was thought to be the 'one at fault'. The rest of the day was fun, i didn't play anymore. Nadia, i shortly realised, didn't aply at all? So who's lousier eh? So who's the one who scolded me ,'GRAB THE BALL!!!' yaddda yadda? Oh puh-lease Naddy, you didn't even get a chance to GRAB THE BALL!! today!
After that, i explained to my mum i wanted to join recreational, and explained the stress i got from everyone. She kept asking me to stay firm and join but i had enough. Stress from Ms Neo to do well, Stress from individual critisism and all that, that i cried for the first time about netball in front of my family. I CRIED. So she soften and wrote me the letter of 'resignation' with much convincing but i wan't convinced. So the next day [netball trg] i met Elky and i wanted to go in and give the letter but i was wearing slippers the uncle didn't let me in. So i gave Elky the letter and let her give the teacher inside. She came out and said that she put in mdm Mufeedah's pigeon hole. Done i thought, done.
So the rest of the holidays whenever Diane called me to go trg, i said,' go aunt's hse' and some other excuses, some were real though. Finally. i told Diane,'i am in recreational liao. Don't need go trg liao'. And i didn't wanna go.So i escaped from the trgs and even though recreational must go, [i thought Ms Neo said dunnid go] i didn't go. I joined recreation to join my friends [Tiara and Ashiqin and Priscilla] AND I WAS HAPPY.
SEC THREE
January.back to school. I went to the first training and normal, with Aisha. We trained within ourselves. Pris Ashi and tia didn't come. went with Aisha. Soon, when i realised my friends weren't going, i didn't go to the trainings as well. I DREADED to go. Diane began writing abt us in her blog. Writing that we were losers blah, that we wanted recognition to be netballers and something abt juniors too.
Ms Chan gathered us during one trg and gave us a looooooooooong talk. She talked about nobody turning up for training and commitment and only commited players can be in main team. Then she said most trg only 5 people turned up. Where are the rest? and all that. She begun asking each one of us the reason for not turning up. Some said overseas. Some tuition, but when it came to me she seemed angrier, probing for more, asking more WHY? i said had to go aunt's house and was busy, and she didn't believe me and continued talking more about cheating and lying. Zermaine was giving me the stare with and opened mouth again, she kept staring and staring at me and hoping to catch my eyes. I didn't look at her.
I WANTED TO SAY WHAT SHE SAID ABOVE IN THIS POST: HOLIDAY TRAININGS NO CCA POINTS ONE LAH, HOLIDAYS DON'T COUNT ONE LAH!!
I was sitting kinda behind and cannot hear Ms Chan going yadda yadda[she's very talkative] until she said 'Kelly? why?' and i looked up in shock.
She was aiming me this whole thing! 'When you wanna quit being competitive can you at least let me know?! Let me know in person or at least give me a letter?!?' Don't go telling your friend *gesturing to diane* who will tell me!'
i began telling her 'I gave you a letter' But she didn't hear. She continued,' You know that it's very difficult to find someone as tall as you you know, so when you want to go just go huh? Why don't tell me in person? This act is very coward, scardy cat blah blah...'
OBVIOUSLY Mdm Mufeedah didn't tell Ms Chan about the parent's letter. And she didn't ask me and just jumped to conclusions i told Diane only. I only tell diane so i dunnid go trg!!!
soon, i was so upset and Elky added pricks in my heart by raising her hand and saying,'I wanna join the competitive. I don't wanna be in recreational.'
Now..this is very suspicious. Why did Ms Chan know about Elky but not about me? And Elky, who agreed with me and i thought she really wanted to join competitive and all that, suddenly drew out. Not only that, i have been wrongly criticized by Ms Chan IN FRONT OF EVERYONE INCLUDING JUNIORS that I WAS A COWARD, I WAS BULLSHIT.
I hate Ms Chan. She hates me. Zermaine hates me. EVERYONE hates me. Soon, Jovy was replaced by Diane as vice-cap [who would be doing cartwheels, as this is her aim] but i agree, Diane's been responsible. BUT..Didn't diane tell Ms Chan i gave a letter? i remembered vividly that i told Diane that i gave a letter. It's either Diane, or Elky, Or Ms Chan forgetting i gave Mdm Mu a letter at all. Depressed, yes. I have been wrongly accused. And the whole talk is about me. Not turning up. When all the others as well. [she had said most of the time only 5 turned up]
BUT WHY DIG ME!?!
I remembered her 'a netball family' and again, HA! BULLSHIT! for the netballers have created a netball T-shirt without us. Without the outcasted people. Yes, although we are from the recreation, and have no value to the team, but we are a FAMILY right Ms Chan? YOU SAID SO!
I missed the Juniors recruiting, i missed the others training as well, but i attended the Junior's east zone and supported them, and i got a glance of what the sec ones were like. THE SAME. Same old boot-licking the good people. JA and all that. I got super sick. They didn't respect me as well. Didn't talk to me. Same old thing. Soon, every training, when we have changed and all that, last minute we will go ,'Let's not go..' or 'say we sick' and all that. We know, we were supposed to go, but what can recreational do? OUTCASTED! One of the trainings we vs the juniors, and LeeQing was blocking me and she said,'I think Amanda is the best Shooter. You not lah, Amanda better.' HELLO?! i am a shooter?! And Amanda is my level!?!?! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IF I SAID [insert her friends' name] ALL BETTER THAN HER!?!?! NOT NICE RIGHT?
And she dared to smirk. I know it was delibrate. After what Ms Chan said to me, my juniors started to NOT give me any respect. In Fact, I was better than Amanda Chong whereby the carnival i was in main team and she was not.
And soon, we heard news that our names were striked out. of the list of netballers. I felt relieved that i didn't have to make up excuses. But i also felt betrayed when my friends went back to join after being encouraged by Ms Chan. YES, i know they want the CCa points, all these while i was in since sec 2 was for the cca points. But my friends joined and i became alone..
Ms Chan had called their parents and explained but didn't call mine. I wonder if she really hates me.
Yes, they were in recreational, but still, whenever they ask me,'Why you never join back?!' i will keep quiet, as the answer in my mind was :
'Because of you'.
I Quit competitive, I didn't go trg with them, i followed suit! And when they were allowed to join back, they joined, if i had not stuck to our friendship i would be in competitive now [like Nadia] and not be down to the recreational with them.
So whenever they say 'we just went to netball training' i will feel a PANG in my stomach. Jealousy? not. but rather, them not feeling for me. Whenever they said 'going to netball trg' they should remember that i used to be the one with Netball trg when in competitive, but i gave it up because of them. I ignored my mum, i cried, all because to be in competitive with them.
This post cost me 2 hrs and no lunch but what the fuck. i hope to continue with more netball Journey.
I joined Volleyball first, but fainted during one of the trainings and found out how packed the trainings are, then decided to quit. Together with Priscilla, we went to join netball, hoping for a lighter training.
Sure enough, we were told that we will not be competing and that's good news for us. Hence the training started, and there was more stupid things than i thought. We had to do stupid stuns like jumping here, doing this there... But still, once a week was better than like, 6 times a week?
We were trained by seniors, having no coach and all that. But actually it was fine with me, only the running part, and the part where we didn't get to play the actual game and know the rules yet.
Soon, was our first carnival. I WAS DELIGHTED when my name was in the main team. [Diane was very sad she didn't make it] This proves that when i was in sec one, i was very commited and happy to be in netball. The Carnival's first game i let Julianne[the other GS,Goal Shooter] to play the first half, and when asked who wants to be the scorer, i immediately volunteered, even though i was supposed to play in the second half. However, Julianne played the whole match, they said they couldn't find me. [I'm the scorer? Remember?] Julianne was actually very nervous, i could tell when i watched her. She took the ball and immediately throw to the hoop, NEVER AIMED, just throw as if the pole was a person. If i was from another school, she was probably a joke already. Strangely, she didn't take in any scoldings.
We went off to the other five venues of our games, and i played most of them. I was kinda ok, threw in more goals than Julianne, She still did the not aiming thing sometimes, but never got scolded anyhow, But rather, it was ME, who got scolded. I did not understand but ok, that pulled my confidence abit since i thought i was doing better than Julianne.
After the Carnival, I think Cher Yan was not teaching us anymore, And two Sec3 taught us instead. They were kinda fair, but was immediately pulled over to the JA's side, [JA aka Julianne, Jovy, Amanda] They were immediately 'over-friendly' and when there was another Carnival, towards the end of the year, the JA got it, with Sam calling Julianne as 'childish' and joking and all that.
In sec one we also choose Nadia as our captain,Jovy as Vice. I was ok with them
INCIDENT THAT CHANGE MY VIEW OF DIANE: Once a ball hit me, so i ran to get it, and threw it back to a senior, whom i later know as Mel Feng. I commented to Diane 'Never say thank you one, so rude' [coz the ball hit me mah]. But it was a RANDOM COMMENT.
I DIDNT EVEN MEAN IT. But on one training, i never go coz i was sick, and i received news from Diane that she was scolded by Ms Chan, due to MSN-ing a senior [gli] that she hates Mel Feng and scolded bad things abt Mel Feng in front of Gli. Turns out Gli printed the convo and showed Ms Chan, who scolded Diane.
Diane somehow dragged others into this, saying,'Jovy and co. also hate, Ashiqin and co. also hate' AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, she pulled me into it, saying the incident i had on top, and made me the scapegoat. Diane said she cried, so i didn;t blame her for pulling me into it at first. But thinking about it, it was considered back-stabbing. Luckily i wasn't present that day. Ever since i got back to training, All the seniors were imploring,'Who's Kelly? Who's Kelly huh?' And every time i raised up my hand, and they gave me 'the look' What did I do to deserve this? Ever since, Seniors have been giving me a hard time and not treating me as their Junior.
Jovy, Amanda and Julianne were in good books with Both, Ms chan and the seniors by the end of Sec one, as usual, but i dont really hate them for it if it doesn't affects me . HOWEVER, as the seniors were told to train us, What i received was bad, VERY BAD COMMENTS whenever i played or whatnot. ON THE OTHER HAND, Jovy, Julianne, Amanda was the Model [ala model answers in math,] Players. I wonder why when people like Tiara and Ashiqin are much better.
Soon, everyone knew Amanda, Jovy and Julianne's names WILL SURELY be in the main-team list. There was a holiday netball camp, and i went with Diane[why was i still good friends with her?]. And we had fun in the afternoon with the games, and me and Diane helped out in the BBQ[while the rest ate and some complained their chicken wings were 'undercooked' hah]
It was until the night. That i felt even more outcasted. I was in the same room with JA, Priscilla, Sharlene that gang [who didn't come for trainings at all, if i'm not wrong] And they were talking and dancing for a while until..the topic about bitching about people in school came up. They were soon talking about this secretive person whom i didn't know, Then suddenly Priscilla [the chinese one] said,'i know her, but i cannot tell you leh, Sarah and KELLY is in this room'. Then, Rebecca[who started this person's topic in the first place], the JA [i remembered vividly Jovy] and the Priscilla started shooing me and Sarah out. Like totally KICKED US OUT!
Talk about rude-ness. so i decided to change room, to where Diane , Tiara they'll is. And whenever i wanted to go in and take my bag, a few people will go,'wait! Haven't finished talking yet! GO OUT!' [remembered the rudest was Jovy. Waving hands and all that] and waited and waited, wanting to take my bag and change rooms. So i waited for 20 min and went in, and they STILL haven't finished talking and even shunned my more heavily.
Last try, they have already been in there for 30 long min!! Whoever they are bitching abt have already died by then. But when i went in [now asking Diane for help] the last time, Priscilla was fed up and stood up and said,'eh can wait until we finish anot huh?' and Jovy they'll was like,'WAIT LEH!' and everyone was staring at me and dao-ing me as if i'm not welcomed [oh yah, i'm not] Luckily for Diane, she explained,'She want to take her bag. She's moving rooms!' And THEN i successfully changed rooms. HAH. they are so freaking cold and rude towards me. i don't even know the person. Even if they talked about her i won't even tell anyone, i dunno her!
SEC TWO
There was no holiday trainings, fine with me, until Sec Two i was ok with Netball, didn't skip it or anything. I missed the recruit of Juniors though, i was horribly sick. But Diane pulled me to school. I HADDA tell Ms Chan i had to go home, and sure enough, i vomitted straight away.
Missing the recruit-tion, of course i was not very close to them. Hence during the viewing of Sec 4s seniors playing for east-zone in Dunman Sec, i talked to some of them. They were quite friendly..until..
Jovy came from the gate to her friends, and immediately during half-conversation, the juniors all RAN, or rather, SPRINT towards Jovy, i think talking about her rumoured boyfriend. Only some juniors [who, thank goodness] doesn't care about boot-licking the JA stayed. The others, however, did whatever it takes to become good friends with the JA, leading to an advantage in Netball relationship [knowing JA has the upperhand in netball relationship] and in school, [knowing JA are the most popular] -_-
being the junior last year, i didn't know it's a tradition for juniors to boot-lick popular seniors until now i have juniors and saw it myself. Of course, none of them really went to talk to us [ala the UN-popular ones, in Netball] hence we felt rejected that the whole team was talking about and we were left out. Then came more training, where the sec 4s slowly stepped down, and the sec 3s took over. It was good as hell, knowing all of them hated me to my guts. [i guess from the Mel Feng incident, and that i was the only shooter NOT from the JA.{Julianne, Amanda and Jovy were all shooters}] Hence if the keep critisizing me, it would appear that the other three were good. I kept thinking i was really lousy at that time, and i actually lost a hell lot of confidence.
As usual, carnivals. i was in main team again, and Diane made it this time[to the main team]. We played and was lousy i guess, as the number of lost balls we have, we would times ten and do the number of push-ups. I was heavily blamed for the loss. HEAVILY.
JUNE HOLIDAYS there was training. ONLY I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
TOGETHER with a few more people [outcasts, if i'm not wrong. Not important to the team]
i had heard Ms Chan emphasize strongly that this netball team is a FAMILY. A STRONG BONDED FAMILY.
bullshit to that, there were holiday training, and i wasn't even noticed. i was a main-teamer!
So, when i went back to the first trg of the semester, i trained and a strange thing happened. JA, some of the people ran 5 rounds, and the rest of us [outcasts] ran MORE rounds. i dunno how many, but more. And they had a break, and started to do ballwork, and then WE had a break. It was as if the team was broken into two.
In other words. *sacarstic tone* BONDED FAMILY
Together with some of the confused people, i immediately enquired Ms Chan to explain,'why weren't we informed of holiday training?!' and stuff.
Her reason, not very well explained, was,' Holiday trainings doesn't include CCA points.' and it doesn't really answered my question, if you are a normal person with common sense reading this. I wanted to comment,' but i thought you said we were a family?!' in front of her, but i thought that would be rude. Instead, i felt very very disconnected to the team. MS chan's explaination,'oh, holidays doesn't count' made me feel she was hiding something, and that is
BEING BIASED.
Since then, i hated Netball [or the trainings, rather] i hated the distinct line cut between the 'family'. It's not us who created the line, but rather, Ms Chan [above]. I hated the trainings more as well because of the seniors hating me more, and the juniors not talking to me [or the 'outcasts] More people from my level quit, esp the 'outcasts'. Of course, the popular ones have so much priviledge being popular ones in netball that they cannot possibly quit, can they? [with all the seniors saying good comments about them, making sure they were in main team, and all the juniors boot-licking them, sticking towards them as close as possible.
Then came a coach. It was holidays training by then, and Ms Chan decided to hire a coach. She was Ms Neo, and me and Tiara met her outside the gate, but was not sure whether she was the coach. Later it was confirmed that she was the coach. Ms Neo's presence gave me a sense of relief, as i will not be the 'bad' one now. Names will be put on the 'good' list not because of popularity and social status, but because of skills and ability. FINALLY.
And i was even happier when she remember my name on our first training. I was so happy with a fair and justified netball training system that i even responded her questions openly.
Ms Neo: So how do you think of this kind of training?
Me: [immediately] yah, it's very nice, very fun also.
*everyone in netball looked at me in an ominous stare, for they didn't hear me responding so actively before* [ok i did in the past, the reason they stare at me coz they have no chance to say my bad things, no chance to boss me around anymore.
The arrival of new coach also put some of the bossy Seniors who hates my ass to shut up for once. These seniors, however hate me, cannot possibly encourage the coach to hate me, can they? I shall prove myself good, i told myself. And hence, the coach liked me and Elky the best, always asking us two to perform some of her training methods [like throwing it here and there] to the whole team. It was the happiest peak, actually gaining some recognition that i'm good. And the coach actually noticing i was there [unlike trg by seniors who seemed to only care about the pop ppl]
Nadia however, was somehow squirming her way to be the pop people [at this point in time Diane had already reached the other side, although sometimes cannot understand their way of talking and joining us to talk instead. Nadia had asked me, CONSEQUETIVELY, to wash the bibs, like 3 times in a row! I know she hated me, i had always sensed it when we were playing court games. [once she kick the ball rapidly to behind the pole, the ball was impossible to catch and she went like,' eh! KELLY! GRAB THE BALL' [well, the ball is being kicked and it's not able to catch, and i cannot grab the ball when you were the one who last-touched it] She was blaming it to me! Of course, this is typical, everytime i play court game my team players will normally push the blame to me, BUT NADIA? I always thought she was with Tiara they'll, siding me, but her, acting the same as the pop ppl?! i didn't understand.
But gradually i did, and that was she despised me like the others. So i complained the keep-asking-me-wash-bib thing to I think diane, and the next trg i brought the bibs to her, and at the end she asked, 'Who wants to wash bibs? [typial, no one answered] Kelly? Can you wash bibs?'
i wanted to answer 'again?' but her action made me hate her even more. i was the bully-able one here eh? [it's common sense she didn't wanna ask Jovy, Vera, etc , afraid she would offend them. Hence me, together with Aisha and like Eunice the rest, are the more common names asked to wash bibs and keep ball cages. JA and seniors, as i said being priviliedged, only have to talk, laugh, socialise, and viola! we get to keep and wash and do the dirty things for them.
Diane helped by saying ,'she last week wash already' and Nadia, unsatisfied, ask another person. I didn;t know why she hated me but..she isn't a good captain, and it was visible she wanted to be in the pop people crowd.
Once i sprained my ankle. Didn't cry but shouted 'I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!' LOL I felt foolish. But thanks to Them i rested. however, Diane, i dunno why, she fell and cried very badly. I think she hit her knees. But then she rested throughout the tough training, but when it was time for court games [which we thought was fun], she CHIONG to play. That day i dunno why, Nadia asked me to keep the ball cage [when knowing i sprained my ankle. She was like testing whether i would say 'But hey! I sprained my ankle! Are you insane?!' or not, but i kept quiet and limped to the ball cage until Tiara [thank god for her] said,' cannot lah her leg lidat!' See what i mean abt Nadia? There's a whole 20 more people to keep ball cage at least. Under the table, [i.e. bibs and ball cage] i was still 'bullied'
Soon, my skills and ability was answered, with my name coming in first in the main team when Ms Neo announced. [name first is a good sign. image this:
Ms Chan: who shall we put in the main team? Any obvious ones?
Ms Neo: YEA YES! KELLY! [writes] ]
And the second was obviously Elky, we were like 'the dynamic duo' in Ms Neo's eyes. But training changed when my friends weren't in the main team. They weren't always present in trainings, but they were good. But still, they were in recreational. now i was alone. [trouble finding partner and all that] Training started, and it was obviously tougher. I could take it, my friends were still there, But i was greatly disappointed when they decided to go home [Ms Neo said recreational team can go home whenever they like]
i felt, alone, lonely. I had nobody to go home with me [i.e. walk] and i really wanted to quit. And join my friends. I actually don't belong here. here is all the JA pop seniors and all that. But then..i only had Aisha with me [Nadia doesn't count now]. Yes, i tried socialising. Talked to Elky that group and getting quite close. Ms Neo was paying more attention to me. There were a few bossy seniors though, like Zer, Char Zeng and Vera, the three distinct ones. They were like all against me, We were passing balls as a team when i hit Char Zeng's stomach and she dropped the ball [height difference, said sorry] Then when Ms Neo told her to 'grab the ball' She complained,' Kelly lah! hit my stomach!' i had already apologised, but she was so unhappy that she was scolded by Ms Neo [the bossy people always thought they were the best, won't get scolded at all] that she went on moaning about her stomach and it's my fault for like half an hour, determined to pull me down.
Amanda teo had, by now, joined and being part of the JA, obviously was happily socialising. Court games was always bad. I would take turns with Gli and become GS, and she proved to be a lousier shooter than me. She shot and shot and cannot go in, and coach asked her to shoot and shoot again until it went in, and then i was subsituded. Normally my shots would go in, but when i didnt and Ms Neo asked me to shoot again, i normally go in within 3 shots. [Gli was like 10 oso cannot] I said 'Jia You' to gli together with a few people, but none said to me[are they so sure of bringing me down?]
I was ok with shooting, but it was the intercepting part that i sucked in. When everyone had break, to my horror, Ms Neo trained me individually! She took me over and took a few feelers[aka throwing people] and Elky as my defender, and ask me to get hold of the ball past Elky [Elky was strong] after a few tries i did it, but it was not enough for Ms Neo. She asked me to intercept 10 times. I did ten times, but she was not happy, and told me,'If you cannot catch balls, kelly, then don't come my training!' Poor Tiara was picking and picking the balls i dropped [thanks].So i went to break while the others went to train. Ironically this is another line drawn between me and the rest, The rest was normal, but i was given extra pressure to do well in Netball. And Tiara told me later that Sherri said i was 'Very Blur'
Surprisingly, Amanda Chong wasn't thought of well in trgs. And people who wasn't scolded in Netball history before [ala Jovy, zer some of the seniors] were scolded badly. Now they felt how i felt. In the last two years. being scolded evey training. It was tough, i know being scolded but i could take it. Unlike them[who wasn't used to being scolded in Netball that one of them even cried {see what i mean not being used to?}] I didn't cry, was used to being scolded.
i dunno why, i can tell the others were already putting their utmost effort to be in good books of the coach. She knew more names, including sec 2s. Carnival was coming soon, she Ms Neo decided to choose 12 people for the carnival.
She read out the names, and at 12 she stopped and said '13, Kelly'. She seemed determined to put me in main team however lousy i was [due to me being blamed whenever the bossy ones have the chance] being the 'extra-number-13', people gave me looks. I stared everywhere, they were whispering and lookin at me. I heard from people ,'why got thirteen one? i thought 12 ony?' They obviously wished i wasn't in main team.
And soon, i was so alone that i confided my feelings to Elky when she blocked me in one of the court games. I told her i hated coming to trainings, alone and all that. I told her i wanted to be in recreational, as the seniors hate me ever when i was extra-number-13. coz Fiona wasn't in. And they thought it was me, occupying the last space and they thought Fiona is more deserved to be in. I was deperate to leave at this point, to not go to the Carnival. Surprisingly, Elky also! She had the same feelings as i did. then i decided to hand in the 'resignation letter' and Elky agreed. We planned to give it after the Carnival, and the Carnival will be the last we ever play.
So the carnival we lost to almost all, expected. In my team, i only played one of the match, [gli received bad scolding by Ms Neo] and during the match, i REALLY REALLY REALLY!! tried my best!! I played full 15min and i tried my best to sprint, intercept, and all that, however, the typical attitude of my team-mates kicked in. 'Kelly! CATCH THE BALL!!'
'KELLY! RUN OUT!' 'Kelly! SPRINT!' BUT I DID! i sprinted until i got no breath. I intercept until the GK's seniors keep scolding her [and she went to a point of shouting at them 'I KNOW!!!'] During the match, Zer scolded me the most, and Shermaine, and the rest whom voices i cannot hear. I made a mistake, i threw in a free throw. GK stepping, and got free throw, and i immediately threw in the ball despite Gli, and coach's comments.
At the end of the match, coach scolded me first, a very long and very hurtful scold, but it didn't hurt me at all. She commented on the mistake and i said 'sorry' and all that, but the scoldin didn't hurt me so much. She went on to scold Zer for running out too much when she was GA instead of WA, which she threw a shot [dao] at me, she always does. The rest of the team were dismissed and all shot glances at me. They all felt i was the faulter. i sat down and talked happily afterwards. I won't let a match pull my feelings down. After about 30 min, we were going to watch out juniors play when i was behind a pillar, and Zer pulled me near her and said ,'What were you doing just now huh? BAI SWEE HUH?!'[ and yadda yadda scolded me] I realised the match was so long ago [30min for goodness sake] , why did she scold me? Besides, she doesn't have a right to scold me, she wasn't the coach.
Soon after, i realised that she was not happy for being scolded for running around too much, and felt it was my fault she got scolded and that she still wanted to maintain being domineering towards me and still wanted to be bossy. But she cannot scold in front of people [esp coach and ms chan] if not people will comment her being too bossy and it's not her job to scold me. Really it's not. I recevied a long scolding from Ms Neo and got over it already. must she scold me privately as well?
Char Zeng and Vera, if i'm not wrong scolded me too.
I was thought to be the 'one at fault'. The rest of the day was fun, i didn't play anymore. Nadia, i shortly realised, didn't aply at all? So who's lousier eh? So who's the one who scolded me ,'GRAB THE BALL!!!' yaddda yadda? Oh puh-lease Naddy, you didn't even get a chance to GRAB THE BALL!! today!
After that, i explained to my mum i wanted to join recreational, and explained the stress i got from everyone. She kept asking me to stay firm and join but i had enough. Stress from Ms Neo to do well, Stress from individual critisism and all that, that i cried for the first time about netball in front of my family. I CRIED. So she soften and wrote me the letter of 'resignation' with much convincing but i wan't convinced. So the next day [netball trg] i met Elky and i wanted to go in and give the letter but i was wearing slippers the uncle didn't let me in. So i gave Elky the letter and let her give the teacher inside. She came out and said that she put in mdm Mufeedah's pigeon hole. Done i thought, done.
So the rest of the holidays whenever Diane called me to go trg, i said,' go aunt's hse' and some other excuses, some were real though. Finally. i told Diane,'i am in recreational liao. Don't need go trg liao'. And i didn't wanna go.So i escaped from the trgs and even though recreational must go, [i thought Ms Neo said dunnid go] i didn't go. I joined recreation to join my friends [Tiara and Ashiqin and Priscilla] AND I WAS HAPPY.
SEC THREE
January.back to school. I went to the first training and normal, with Aisha. We trained within ourselves. Pris Ashi and tia didn't come. went with Aisha. Soon, when i realised my friends weren't going, i didn't go to the trainings as well. I DREADED to go. Diane began writing abt us in her blog. Writing that we were losers blah, that we wanted recognition to be netballers and something abt juniors too.
Ms Chan gathered us during one trg and gave us a looooooooooong talk. She talked about nobody turning up for training and commitment and only commited players can be in main team. Then she said most trg only 5 people turned up. Where are the rest? and all that. She begun asking each one of us the reason for not turning up. Some said overseas. Some tuition, but when it came to me she seemed angrier, probing for more, asking more WHY? i said had to go aunt's house and was busy, and she didn't believe me and continued talking more about cheating and lying. Zermaine was giving me the stare with and opened mouth again, she kept staring and staring at me and hoping to catch my eyes. I didn't look at her.
I WANTED TO SAY WHAT SHE SAID ABOVE IN THIS POST: HOLIDAY TRAININGS NO CCA POINTS ONE LAH, HOLIDAYS DON'T COUNT ONE LAH!!
I was sitting kinda behind and cannot hear Ms Chan going yadda yadda[she's very talkative] until she said 'Kelly? why?' and i looked up in shock.
She was aiming me this whole thing! 'When you wanna quit being competitive can you at least let me know?! Let me know in person or at least give me a letter?!?' Don't go telling your friend *gesturing to diane* who will tell me!'
i began telling her 'I gave you a letter' But she didn't hear. She continued,' You know that it's very difficult to find someone as tall as you you know, so when you want to go just go huh? Why don't tell me in person? This act is very coward, scardy cat blah blah...'
OBVIOUSLY Mdm Mufeedah didn't tell Ms Chan about the parent's letter. And she didn't ask me and just jumped to conclusions i told Diane only. I only tell diane so i dunnid go trg!!!
soon, i was so upset and Elky added pricks in my heart by raising her hand and saying,'I wanna join the competitive. I don't wanna be in recreational.'
Now..this is very suspicious. Why did Ms Chan know about Elky but not about me? And Elky, who agreed with me and i thought she really wanted to join competitive and all that, suddenly drew out. Not only that, i have been wrongly criticized by Ms Chan IN FRONT OF EVERYONE INCLUDING JUNIORS that I WAS A COWARD, I WAS BULLSHIT.
I hate Ms Chan. She hates me. Zermaine hates me. EVERYONE hates me. Soon, Jovy was replaced by Diane as vice-cap [who would be doing cartwheels, as this is her aim] but i agree, Diane's been responsible. BUT..Didn't diane tell Ms Chan i gave a letter? i remembered vividly that i told Diane that i gave a letter. It's either Diane, or Elky, Or Ms Chan forgetting i gave Mdm Mu a letter at all. Depressed, yes. I have been wrongly accused. And the whole talk is about me. Not turning up. When all the others as well. [she had said most of the time only 5 turned up]
BUT WHY DIG ME!?!
I remembered her 'a netball family' and again, HA! BULLSHIT! for the netballers have created a netball T-shirt without us. Without the outcasted people. Yes, although we are from the recreation, and have no value to the team, but we are a FAMILY right Ms Chan? YOU SAID SO!
I missed the Juniors recruiting, i missed the others training as well, but i attended the Junior's east zone and supported them, and i got a glance of what the sec ones were like. THE SAME. Same old boot-licking the good people. JA and all that. I got super sick. They didn't respect me as well. Didn't talk to me. Same old thing. Soon, every training, when we have changed and all that, last minute we will go ,'Let's not go..' or 'say we sick' and all that. We know, we were supposed to go, but what can recreational do? OUTCASTED! One of the trainings we vs the juniors, and LeeQing was blocking me and she said,'I think Amanda is the best Shooter. You not lah, Amanda better.' HELLO?! i am a shooter?! And Amanda is my level!?!?! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IF I SAID [insert her friends' name] ALL BETTER THAN HER!?!?! NOT NICE RIGHT?
And she dared to smirk. I know it was delibrate. After what Ms Chan said to me, my juniors started to NOT give me any respect. In Fact, I was better than Amanda Chong whereby the carnival i was in main team and she was not.
And soon, we heard news that our names were striked out. of the list of netballers. I felt relieved that i didn't have to make up excuses. But i also felt betrayed when my friends went back to join after being encouraged by Ms Chan. YES, i know they want the CCa points, all these while i was in since sec 2 was for the cca points. But my friends joined and i became alone..
Ms Chan had called their parents and explained but didn't call mine. I wonder if she really hates me.
Yes, they were in recreational, but still, whenever they ask me,'Why you never join back?!' i will keep quiet, as the answer in my mind was :
'Because of you'.
I Quit competitive, I didn't go trg with them, i followed suit! And when they were allowed to join back, they joined, if i had not stuck to our friendship i would be in competitive now [like Nadia] and not be down to the recreational with them.
So whenever they say 'we just went to netball training' i will feel a PANG in my stomach. Jealousy? not. but rather, them not feeling for me. Whenever they said 'going to netball trg' they should remember that i used to be the one with Netball trg when in competitive, but i gave it up because of them. I ignored my mum, i cried, all because to be in competitive with them.
This post cost me 2 hrs and no lunch but what the fuck. i hope to continue with more netball Journey.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
FUCKED UP BITCH
well there is this girl called diane from 3H and she is totally a bitch, i mean, she WAS and IS mean, but she is meaner when she put on braces aka this 2007 new yr. i dunno why maybe her new year resolutions is to like be meaner and be in the popular crowd or something.
well she has started being mean already last year, to me and most of the girls, making alooo00o0o0ot off girls hate her. and towards the end of the year she started to hang out with the oh-so-popular crowd, aka JA, aka Jovy,Julianne,Mandas Chong and Teo and Jasmin and oh! a sidekick Adaleen who succeeded in being popular altho not part of the JA YET.
anw diane is so being into them, she is some how like following their every actions,hobbies and friends.
well, diane has her own clique, but has described them as 'not true friends' as an excuse to be near the JA and stuff. BAH!!
and somehow she copied their stuff like...
#1 jasmin and amanda teo likes the colour orange. like the person who follows crowds easily [i was once 'best friends' with her...she immediately changed her msn font to orange, and every marker pen...hw have to be done in orange ink, no matter whether print or write. fuck rite? carn she choose her own colours to like? ornage is definately she copying one. she doesnt like orange b4.
#2 actions also. manda and the girls kip using 'gosh!!' like everytime, coz they 'jiak kan tan' one wad, then always sae 'gosh~~~' lidat. then diane, as the main sms-er for our trg times and stuff, went like sms-ing 'tmr got trg from 8-12...GOSH!'
WTF? it's like so fake la!! she mustave used that GOSH at the last part coz she was thinking her language use coz she was sending to at least 30+ ppl so i guess she put that gosh in order to impersonate the JA and hence be popular. i mean even I can tell that she was so copying the JA la! at least find some language herself..i used to sae 'that was totally bizzar0 !' to bizzare things, and she lyk started copying...
i am so pissed with her.
#3 b4 netball we were supposed to hand up some form to cha, then coz not evrione was here yet and cha wanna go off, then manda teo searched Fiona's bag for the form. i find this ok, but diane find it a lil evading ppl's privacy.so she went lyk 'eh you juz search ppl's bag lidat huh' [big deal lah diane] her tone was lyk impress lidat. 'yeah, y not? have to pass up liao' manda sed.
then after manda had gone, rebecca, a non-popular she can bully person came and put down her bag, then diane went to open her bag and search, taking her ws, messing it up, taking her phone,totally diff from wad amanda was doing. when asked wad she was doing, she sed 'i wanna see!!!!!'
i was the onli witness to tis. i felt nauseas that somehow could actually resort to this to b popular. the JA sometimes treated her lyk a slave and she doesn't mind. HA!
anw back to e topic of her 'emo-ing' when she doesn't need to. she has been mean at netball, when me and my friends lyk HI! to her she didnt reply, ever since she started braces. she WAS mean b4, but now meaner. she doesn't kip secrets and stuff. anw apart from being DAO to us, she was totally mean to the juniors lah. when Melissa asked her[she vice-captain altho i didnt want her to b but when evrione sed her i thot she was happy she achieved her target.{oh wait! she mite b mean coz she was vc leh!}] 'wher are the bibs diane we no bibs' diane juz snapped back 'then your problem lah' which coz melissa to turn back. i mean wads HER PROBLEM instead? vice-captain doesnt snap back lidat. she's trying to be someone she isnt.
during julianne's departure to america, she wanted to go to the airport too. but she went lyk blaming her father that she cannot go. you know wad? BLAME YOUR ASS DIANE. coz you shd thank ur dad. if not for him, you wouldn't have gotten 1st in class coz you will miss that el test that pulled the others down. and you DIDNT DARE. i tell you you DIDNT DARE. and you wouldnt dare. and you never would DARE. you are juz a kuai kia hu tries to be bad/cool.
i scold vulgar, you copy. you wanna challeng me. i tell you once vulgar comes outta my mouth, it will never stop, it's like bullets. DT was even impressed/scared. so wanna challeng? fuck your asshole instead.
back to the topic on meaness, when i went home with ball cage keys that day, i seriously didnt wanna go serious. netball topic post later date. anw when she called and sed she wanted the ball keys, she went lyk'we want it now!!!' and i realised i HAD to go.true enough, she called again,now almost screaming 'come quickly! i want the vall key NOW! we want the balls NOW! you come NOW!' [obniously mimicking the seniors coz i heard that b4]
i wanted to scream 'FUCK UP BITCH I DIDNT SAE I WANNA COME YOU GO FUCK YOUR FATHER LAH!'
or 'oh, my stomach pain dun wanna go liao *slams*'
but i carn? can i? will post more bout CCA points...
anw during that trg, we were told to choose to go watch the sec 2 play east-zone today or go trg as usual.
i wanted to go watch so i told diane then she told me she wanna train.coz got sec ones and she wanted to trrain sec ones.
then i went lyk 'i tink can bring the sec ones go watch the match wad...last tym we oso'
then she went meanie'siao sec one go for wad i dun tink they wanna go one lah'
then i went' will one. rmb we sec one?'
when asked hu wanna go watch and stuff, me, manda, [aiyah all the JA] ,most of the seniors wanna watch. and then when pointed to each person each person have to sae their decision, i went in my mind 'aiyah diane sure choose watch one lah she so easily influence...' and TRUE ENOUGH, she sed watch! ha! why let ppl control your life when you can control on your own?
and then later when alot of seniors change their minds she changed hers as well. double HA!
GOOD NEWS for people who love me, todat ms chan made an announcement meeting sec ones, asking them hu wanna watch the east zone match. and guess wad? most of them going.
*pathetic voice* 'no lah the sec ones dun wanna go watch one lah'..shit lah dun wanna go..now all wanna go. I WIN!
and then still sae wanna train. ms chan decided it was compulsary for all of us to go watch. who made the right descion now huh? I WIN!
and my bah BAH bah-ness she oso copy -_-
COPYCAT!
no wonder she likes cat so much. copy me with my obsession with hamsters.
oh kelly likes hamster so much everyone's giving her attention to her animals she must have thoughti must choose a favourite animal too!. ah cat lor CAT! I LOVE CATS!!
and so...she set her friendster acc as a cat photo in front. BAH!
well she has started being mean already last year, to me and most of the girls, making alooo00o0o0ot off girls hate her. and towards the end of the year she started to hang out with the oh-so-popular crowd, aka JA, aka Jovy,Julianne,Mandas Chong and Teo and Jasmin and oh! a sidekick Adaleen who succeeded in being popular altho not part of the JA YET.
anw diane is so being into them, she is some how like following their every actions,hobbies and friends.
well, diane has her own clique, but has described them as 'not true friends' as an excuse to be near the JA and stuff. BAH!!
and somehow she copied their stuff like...
#1 jasmin and amanda teo likes the colour orange. like the person who follows crowds easily [i was once 'best friends' with her...she immediately changed her msn font to orange, and every marker pen...hw have to be done in orange ink, no matter whether print or write. fuck rite? carn she choose her own colours to like? ornage is definately she copying one. she doesnt like orange b4.
#2 actions also. manda and the girls kip using 'gosh!!' like everytime, coz they 'jiak kan tan' one wad, then always sae 'gosh~~~' lidat. then diane, as the main sms-er for our trg times and stuff, went like sms-ing 'tmr got trg from 8-12...GOSH!'
WTF? it's like so fake la!! she mustave used that GOSH at the last part coz she was thinking her language use coz she was sending to at least 30+ ppl so i guess she put that gosh in order to impersonate the JA and hence be popular. i mean even I can tell that she was so copying the JA la! at least find some language herself..i used to sae 'that was totally bizzar0 !' to bizzare things, and she lyk started copying...
i am so pissed with her.
#3 b4 netball we were supposed to hand up some form to cha, then coz not evrione was here yet and cha wanna go off, then manda teo searched Fiona's bag for the form. i find this ok, but diane find it a lil evading ppl's privacy.so she went lyk 'eh you juz search ppl's bag lidat huh' [big deal lah diane] her tone was lyk impress lidat. 'yeah, y not? have to pass up liao' manda sed.
then after manda had gone, rebecca, a non-popular she can bully person came and put down her bag, then diane went to open her bag and search, taking her ws, messing it up, taking her phone,totally diff from wad amanda was doing. when asked wad she was doing, she sed 'i wanna see!!!!!'
i was the onli witness to tis. i felt nauseas that somehow could actually resort to this to b popular. the JA sometimes treated her lyk a slave and she doesn't mind. HA!
anw back to e topic of her 'emo-ing' when she doesn't need to. she has been mean at netball, when me and my friends lyk HI! to her she didnt reply, ever since she started braces. she WAS mean b4, but now meaner. she doesn't kip secrets and stuff. anw apart from being DAO to us, she was totally mean to the juniors lah. when Melissa asked her[she vice-captain altho i didnt want her to b but when evrione sed her i thot she was happy she achieved her target.{oh wait! she mite b mean coz she was vc leh!}] 'wher are the bibs diane we no bibs' diane juz snapped back 'then your problem lah' which coz melissa to turn back. i mean wads HER PROBLEM instead? vice-captain doesnt snap back lidat. she's trying to be someone she isnt.
during julianne's departure to america, she wanted to go to the airport too. but she went lyk blaming her father that she cannot go. you know wad? BLAME YOUR ASS DIANE. coz you shd thank ur dad. if not for him, you wouldn't have gotten 1st in class coz you will miss that el test that pulled the others down. and you DIDNT DARE. i tell you you DIDNT DARE. and you wouldnt dare. and you never would DARE. you are juz a kuai kia hu tries to be bad/cool.
i scold vulgar, you copy. you wanna challeng me. i tell you once vulgar comes outta my mouth, it will never stop, it's like bullets. DT was even impressed/scared. so wanna challeng? fuck your asshole instead.
back to the topic on meaness, when i went home with ball cage keys that day, i seriously didnt wanna go serious. netball topic post later date. anw when she called and sed she wanted the ball keys, she went lyk'we want it now!!!' and i realised i HAD to go.true enough, she called again,now almost screaming 'come quickly! i want the vall key NOW! we want the balls NOW! you come NOW!' [obniously mimicking the seniors coz i heard that b4]
i wanted to scream 'FUCK UP BITCH I DIDNT SAE I WANNA COME YOU GO FUCK YOUR FATHER LAH!'
or 'oh, my stomach pain dun wanna go liao *slams*'
but i carn? can i? will post more bout CCA points...
anw during that trg, we were told to choose to go watch the sec 2 play east-zone today or go trg as usual.
i wanted to go watch so i told diane then she told me she wanna train.coz got sec ones and she wanted to trrain sec ones.
then i went lyk 'i tink can bring the sec ones go watch the match wad...last tym we oso'
then she went meanie'siao sec one go for wad i dun tink they wanna go one lah'
then i went' will one. rmb we sec one?'
when asked hu wanna go watch and stuff, me, manda, [aiyah all the JA] ,most of the seniors wanna watch. and then when pointed to each person each person have to sae their decision, i went in my mind 'aiyah diane sure choose watch one lah she so easily influence...' and TRUE ENOUGH, she sed watch! ha! why let ppl control your life when you can control on your own?
and then later when alot of seniors change their minds she changed hers as well. double HA!
GOOD NEWS for people who love me, todat ms chan made an announcement meeting sec ones, asking them hu wanna watch the east zone match. and guess wad? most of them going.
*pathetic voice* 'no lah the sec ones dun wanna go watch one lah'..shit lah dun wanna go..now all wanna go. I WIN!
and then still sae wanna train. ms chan decided it was compulsary for all of us to go watch. who made the right descion now huh? I WIN!
and my bah BAH bah-ness she oso copy -_-
COPYCAT!
no wonder she likes cat so much. copy me with my obsession with hamsters.
oh kelly likes hamster so much everyone's giving her attention to her animals she must have thoughti must choose a favourite animal too!. ah cat lor CAT! I LOVE CATS!!
and so...she set her friendster acc as a cat photo in front. BAH!
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